Really? Truly? Honestly?!

So as a fair warning to you all - I'm a bit hostile at the moment...just saying. You've been warned.

Dear Husband,
Did I not make myself clear enough to you when I said you need to actively participate in our family - the family you had a VERY large role in creating? I ask again because you continue to come home from work with some huge chip on your shoulder - like your life is so hard, working at your self titled "dream job" that you've said many times is so much fun. You get away from your familial responsibilities and get to play with/on trucks all day, and then you come home and sit down at your computer to waste more time. Is it too much to ask for you to engage with your own kids long enough for me to pee alone and with the door closed, take another shower (as I've dealt with child and cat puke as well as dog shit), and maybe read my book for a bit? You told me over and over that you wanted to have as much a part in their lives as possible. In face, it was your go-to reason for why you got back from Iraq in November of '08 and just started working Monday, with it now being August '09. But now your actions are contradicting your own statements.
You're distant, irritated by them, despise being asked to help out with a diaper change here and there, even though I handled them all for upwards of a year ENTIRELY ALONE. It's too much to ask of you to play and interact with your own son after you repeatedly told me you wanted nothing more than to be able to hold him and tickle him the entire duration of your deployment. It's been such a huge burden, now, for you to hold your own children when I'm over-stimulated and touched out after a long day of both of them wanting to constantly be held despite the fact that I carried our son constantly while you were gone, and even after you came back, while I was pregnant, full term. For the simple reason that you didn't know what you were doing and wanted me to show you how to do everything child related. You might as well just go ahead and start denying paternity. AGAIN.
I've bent over backwards to accommodate you re-adjusting to a "normal" life, to help and ease you into the role of being Daddy to these 2 beautiful babies who look just like you. Sadly, all that assistance I've been giving you hasn't done you any good. Truthfully, it's allowed you to step backwards, out of, and away from everything to do with your role as their father.
Also, it's cost me myself. I don't have the confidence in myself that I used to because despite you being unsure of how YOU could/should do anything, everything that I do is wrong and you deem it necessary to chastise me for it regularly.
I've spent so much time doing for you and/or the kids that I've lost sight of everything else that made me, me. You've put me into a position where I don't know who I am anymore; and while you become easily frustrated with me by that, you also do nothing to help alter the situation. You've taken the joy out of being the mommy of these wonderful little people and made it like the job I had to quit when I was pregnant with Boogaloo because they were a half a heartbeat away from firing me anyway - despite the fact that pregnancy discrimination is illegal, even in Virginia...damn "right to work" state that we live in.
You consistently crush my spirit; not to mention my fragile, easily shattered self-confidence. And for all of this shit, I am very angry with you. That word - "angry" - should carry some heavy meaning to you, as I hardly ever use it, instead speaking of my immense frustration or displeasure. Anger to me is like hatred. It takes ridiculous amounts of negative energy and outrageously frustrating situations to bring it out of the depths of my being. But once it's been brought to the surface, it's here to stay, to grow, to deepen to unfathomable degrees. You're in serious trouble, mister, and you better watch it. Because I am after you.