Final Notice of Complaint

Dear Sprint Customer Service (supposed) Representative Fucktwat,
I've decided to lump you in with my extended family, as you have some few things in common with them. For instance, you both irritate me beyond the point of civility, what with your outrageous demands for these ridiculous sums of money to get your returns. (The Sprint service is crap-tastic; I cant be reached at my own home, and that was the whole point of having the phone in the first place, so it's like throwing away the money. My extended family only talks to me when they want or need something from me or The Husband, or when they want to see Boogaloo or Pickle, so that they can then turn around and tell me/us that we're doing it all wrong in our parenting decisions, so we need to pay to have our kids in ABC activities and XYZ programs, all at cost to us. Guess what? I say FUCK NO!) And then, half the time, you make offers or promises that you never have any intention of following through on/with. Sprint, you promise a marked discount on service costs on the accounts of soldiers - a discount to the tune of a whopping 15%. Well for the entire duration of The Husband's time in contract with you, Sprint bastards, he's been in the military. Surprise, surprise - we've NEVER seen a penny's worth of that discount. Our only view of a discount has been the small reduction on my line because of the fact that it's been active all 8 years The Husband has been carrying your service. Oh, you want it compared to my extended family, well alrighty then. On more than one occasion, one of more of my aunts or uncles or cousins has offered to watch the babies for me; and every time I've called to see about taking a few hours, they've had some excuse or another that renders them unable to help me. Then they tell me they can help me out in a few days - knowing full well that I have an appointment for one or both of the kids so it won't work then. Regardless, both parties being discussed make promises with the intentions of NEVER following through to the ends. I'm done with that crap. I've found others who will be real and who will be true to our family and the needs of it. So, extended family, I no longer put any stock in your false promises. And, Sprint, we're breaking up. Your shitty service and craptasticular phones have finally lost their pull. We found someone who told us about their military discount up front, and who gets better reception, and who has WAY cooler phones. So, Sprint, we are TOTALLY OVER. You will get the formal letter of intent to cancel before long, and you can grieve as you see fit. As for us, we're thrilled to break with your abuse.

Unkindly yours,
disgruntled customer