Oh, But I Do

Sweet Pickle Nickle,
I feel like I've been letting you get lost in the background with everything else going on in our crazy lives lately. It's textbook typical second child syndrome, and for that I'm deeply sorry. I'm working on changing how I handle that aspect of our little family, I promise, baby girl.
You're growing up so stinking fast, and I never thought I'd be saying that about my second baby. I'd planned to be more relaxed about everything, to have it all figured out well before you came along. Well you surprised us all with your CHAOTIC emergence onto the scene of our lives SO FAR ahead of any schedule...ask me about that on another day, and I'll gladly tell you all about your birth - provided I'm not manic.
Anyway, I'm sitting here, and it's the middle of the night - in fact, you just woke up again, rudely demanding your bottle back - and I'm madly scribbling about anything and everything racing through my head. All of a sudden, I just want to go back into your room and watch you sleeping. I've never gotten to do that with you like I did with your brother. The little things, you know? I just want to stare at your fuzzy little head and your chubby body and limbs while you're being so unusually still. And then I get up to head into your room. But then your brother starts whining, so I hesitate, and he stops. I do that back and forth thing a few more times and come to the conclusion that in his sleep he's aware of you getting attention when he isn't, and is gonna make it hard to do.
Jesus, I'm getting SO distracted.
Back-tracking now.
I wanted to tell you that I really do love you. I know I don't make it very obvious, but I do! You are my heart, my life, and you are ridiculously important to me, and I feel like I have to make that known in some way, for you to know about for sure in the future.

Mommy loves you, Pickle...really!