My Apologies

I've been completely and inexcusably absent from here lately, and I wish I could explain it to you. Unfortunately, I don't think I could find the words to tell you why I seemingly turned my back on you all. Probably, the closest I can come to putting into words the emotion(s) of the last little while is to say this.... I've been angry, depressed, elated, numb, contemplative, totally full, empty, all at once overwhelmed and anxiously anticipatory without knowing what I was waiting for. I have alternately wanted to laugh, cry, dance, die, sleep, scream, bleed, drain every last drop of alcohol in both of my houses, vomit, gorge myself, and even commit murder. There's been no rhyme or reason for my KRAYZEE mood swings. In fact, if I didn't know for a fact that it's impossible, I'd think I was pregnant again. Because that's been the only other time that I've been this ridiculously moody.
I need to find a physical outlet for some of my mess in my life. I think it's time for me to start considering doing some dancing...or perhaps some relaxing yoga? Or is it so simple a "fix" as making the one phone call I've been afraid of making, and calling to get myself in to get a psych. evaluation and maybe try to find a chemical cocktail combination to try to right all the seeming imbalance in my whacked-out brain. I need the madness to end, NOW!