Catching Things Up a Bit

~The reality of things is just this simple: I'm not safe from myself, so none of you are totally safe from me, either.

~Sweet babies...Mommy may have to go away for a while, but that does NOT change the fact that I love you as big as the sky. You are my heart, and that will never change.

~You've burned me badly here in recent months. Whether or not I'm ready to, or have already forgiven you for any of it is irrelevant. The fact of the matter is that I simply cannot trust you with my heart or feelings, and until you work on your own issues that cannon and will not change - even a tiny bit.

~All of you are blissfully unaware of the unspeakable tragedies going on in my personal life. I fully intend to keep it that way for as long as possible, because I can't handle the hell that would come about if some/any of you were brought totally up to speed.

~I understand that you went through some similar struggles earlier this year with the other pair, but this situation is DRASTICALLY different, and your seeming refusal to get involved in any way is proving to be VERY hurtful, seeing as I've made myself vulnerable to you by asking/ begging for your help - even a little of it.

~Some of you are currently in the know; some of you are aware of unrest in the situation; some may be asked to step in later if I can't handle it on my own; and still some will forever remain in the dark. No matter where you happen to fall on that spectrum, I have to thank you for always being there for me (at least within reason, I mean), and for always loving me. Those 2 simple things mean more than you realize.

~I don't have any idea who you are, where you're from, or any other detail about you - and I am TOTALLY fine with that...in fact, that's probably for the best, because after all the damage you've done already it's grounds for me maiming or disfiguring you at this stage of the game. But know this. If it continues - harmlessly, or otherwise - and I find out about it...you better hope we never meet, because I'll kill your home-wrecking ass. It is black and white from here on out. Ball's in your court, skank.

~If I'm not around, or I seem different than my usual self: It's because my whole world is turned on its ear at the moment. Things I never thought would happen to me are now aspects of my daily life. I'm learning how to get through it, but it's a slow, hard process. Please just be here for me - even silently - while I heal.